i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
