forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk is not a location!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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