i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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