At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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