There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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