i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
