I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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