My friends, they love my intelligence
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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