i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
