Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
