You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
