Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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