he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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