official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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