if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
