I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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