come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
