if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your penis caused this!
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