DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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