So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
