all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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