i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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