Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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