I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
