i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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