i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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