Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
