it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im part way to drunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
