I seem to have left my pride at pride
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
