sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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