So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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