wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
