Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
