After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize