i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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