Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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