Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
