I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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