Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
