im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
