my vag is so smooth its legendary
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
