The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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