I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
