just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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