when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
