check it out our google latitudes are spooning
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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