Having a random hookup so left but love u
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
