OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
