Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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