there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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