definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
