he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
