His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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