This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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