i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
