Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
