Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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