I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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