Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
