He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize