My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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