It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
