What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
