I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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