I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
